I’m blossoming now, though.

I’m a really lonely person, but I’m also really thankful that I’m where I am today, even if I am without a significant other.  I am in so much better a place than I was just three months ago, and I feel like it’s only going to go up from here.  I’m just thinking of how I was at this time last year, and I’m so glad that the months have passed, and that things have happened that have caused me to reach my tipping point and actually change who I am and how I think.

I was so sad last year.  Shit, I was so sad three months ago.  Now I’m lonely, but I’m not as sad – not really.  Sure I have shitty days, but they’re becoming fewer and farther between.  I don’t think I could have had a good day like I had today, at this time last year or even just three months ago, with people who actually care about me – like really care about me – because I was in such a bad place, mentally and emotionally.  I wouldn’t let myself feel happiness or affection that was real; instead, I relied on the bullshit that he would give me, and I would convince myself that it was good and right for me and what I deserved.

I’m fucking blossoming now, though.  I can see it, and I can feel it.  I’m going to be in full bloom soon, and it’s going to be magnificent.  When that time comes, I just know that someone is going to see me, and they’re going to say to themselves, “Wow, now that’s a flower I want to know the name of.”  And they will, because I will tell them my whole name, from start to finish, and it’ll roll off my tongue like nectar, and they’ll just want to drink it all up like the honeybee they are.  And they’ll be good for me.  They’ll be so fucking good for me.